A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
