1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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