What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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