my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
