Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
