wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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