I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
