Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
