Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
