this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize