remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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