Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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