i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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