Porn is love you can see.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
