gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
