Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
