Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Two words: nipple clamps
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