Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
