Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
