Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im six kinds of drunk right now
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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