She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize