12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
