Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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