It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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