he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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