I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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