Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
