he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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