the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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