exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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