dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
