I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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