I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
