and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have demons in me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize