based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
