i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
