brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
