i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
