Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We need to get me chipped asap
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
