I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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