Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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