i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
