I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
