i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
