well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
