I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
