we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
