she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
