Just fell off a train. Bad.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
