I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
