R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
