i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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