Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
