apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
