Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
