im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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