WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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