guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
