Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
