yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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