at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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