So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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