I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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