i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
