She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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