well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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