Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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