You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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