you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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