i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
