garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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