Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
