so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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