if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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