You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
