so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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