my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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