I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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