You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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