I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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