i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
