How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
