I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
